Review Of “Harry Potter & The Cursed Child”

I’m going to start of this review by emphasising that I am total Harry Potter trash. I cannot even begin to mention how freaking obsessed I am with the series and every single character. I have read the whole series so many times that my book is now tattered, filled with quotations, hidden meanings etc and I can probably mention lines from this book without a second thought. I even pre-ordered this book, having been so ultimately excited for a continuation in my favourite world.

Here’s the thing though. This book just. made. me. sick.

I’m sorry. I would love to give this book a 10/10 just before it has the words Harry Potter in it. but that wouldn’t be fair. So many things in this book were offensive to my Harry Potter maniac heart.

(Spoilers here.)

1. The Characters were not themselves.

I mean the whole book just portrayed each and every character like its movie character. Ron being a complete fool with no character whatsoever, Hermione and Ginny being  serious and boring. Harry was just plain rude and old? None of these characters were the characters I grew up with. Ron is not just a follower, he can lead. Hermione is not just some serious brat, she’s savage and Harry is brave, sarcastic and lovely. I spent most of this book wondering if the authors so much as even glanced at the books due to the poor and very materialistic characterisations.giphy (4).gif

Yes that’s my Hermione, slayyy.

Also my pure little Hufflepuff Cedric happened to become a Death Eater who killed  Neville Longbottom, dare I say? That’s so NOT Cedric. I mean he is the most noble and humble person you see. For Dumbledore’s sake, he is a freaking HUFFLEPUFF.

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2. Harry is apparently a bad dad.

I mean excuse me?

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Harry grew up without his parents, with horrible relatives who treated him like utter garbage, lost his only hope at a parenting figure (Sirius). I mean you’d expect the kid to know how it feels like to have no parenting figure whatsoever. He would strive to be the best fucking father to his children, won’t he? Harry not being able to listen to his kids or have time for them is just freaking bullshit. It’s not my Potter.

3. Albus is a whiny shit.

Okay, we get it. Your dad is famous and all and you’re tired of it but stop freaking complaining and hating Harry for it. Harry hated all the attention he got. He didn’t ask for it did he? It’s beyond anyone’s ability so stop freaking complaining Albus, we get it. Seriously, we all would kill to have Harry as dad (or daddy, whichever is fine no big deal).

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4. Voldermort x Bellatrix

Merlin’s beard. Let’s just ignore the ver extremely minor loopholes like  how Bellatrix managed to not look pregnant and how no one realised that she was in fact pregnant and how Delphi even grew up, like ignoring all the loopholes. WHAT THE ACTUAL FREAK. You’re telling me that Voldermort, fking Voldermort, is actually capable of having a child with Bellatrix fucking Lestrange? I mean we all knew Bellatrix was obsessed with Voldermort, but never in that way, ew. I mean this whole thing is just plain ridiculous. You’d expect Voldermort to be a little more.. professional.

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5. Few smaller points

Okay Albus freaking kissed his aunt? Gross?

Harry is once again angry at Dumbledore. After the 7th book when Harry cleared out his anger with Dumbledore, we’d expect it to be over. Harry is a mature adult, he isn’t going through one of his pubescent angry moods ffs.

Harry’s scar hurts again. Excuse me but the last book told us “All was well”. what the fuck happened to that?

Would anyone care to please explain how Hugo Weasely turned out or where the hell is Teddy Lupin aww 😦

6. Plot was like a blonde white girl going to Starbucks and instagramming it.

It was basic and predictable. Also, there were so many loopholes. How the hell was there conveniently 2 time turners. How the hell was Hermione stupid enough to set a damn riddle for the time-turner that a 15 year old (ish) could solve? How was everything and every timing so convenient?

Moving on to the few things that actually saved the book

1. Scorpius Malfoy was a sweetheart.

He was such a sweet friend to Albus. It just reminded me of something I have always pondered about- what if Harry had actually accepted Malfoy’s offer to be friends and didn’t go against being sorted into Slytherin? That whole scenario was played out by Albus. But seriously though scorpius and ROSE. MY DRAMOINE HEART IS JUST.

DRACO: Hermione Granger, I’m being bossed around by Hermione Granger. (She turns towards him. He smiles.) And I’m mildly enjoying it.

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2. Also Snape Broke my heart

“Tell Albus — tell Albus Severus — I’m proud he carries my name. Now go. Go.”

No need more to be said

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3. Draco Malfoy

Loved Draco as always. I loved how he opened up to Harry because I always knew there was a friendship and an understanding between them. And also he raised Scorpius to be the ultimate cherry cupcake. Also Harry and Draco battled (Chamber Of Secrets feels omgggg) I mean he is just a gem

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Overall, good read if  you have free time if you want to go back into your favourite wizarding world but it’s just underwhelming.

4/10 x

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